In this Video Podcast Mark L. Scroggins Answers the Question, Why Do People Get Divorced?
Some think cheating is the main reason, but it is not, in Mark’s experience. Infidelity, financial issues, intimacy issues, and conflict. Sometimes a marriage fails because of a mixture of several conflicts that the couple cannot get past. The list of reasons people get a divorce is long, but for today’s program, we focus on four main reasons for divorce: financial reasons, intimacy issues, impossible conflicts, and a difference of priorities and interests in life. So why do people get divorced?
This program is intended to educate people about common issues that they face in a divorce, with children and property issues, among others. Mark L. Scroggins is Board-Certified in Family Law by the Texas Board of Legal Specialization and he has decades of experience in high-conflict divorce and family law. Scroggins Law Group, PLLC is a divorce and family law firm and they get called in on the big cases with lots of challenges. The Scroggins Law Group attorneys can help you at their main office in Frisco, at their Dallas office in Energy Square, and by appointment in Plano.
Listen to the Podcast Audio
In this program, Mark mentions that he always asks people who come into his office whether there is a chance at reconciliation. While some have the intent to reconcile, the other might not agree. Mark says it seems like too often people do not work hard enough on saving the marriage and they give up too quickly. Mark suggests people try and get some help like some marriage counseling, talk to a clergy member, or a money manager. The point Mark drives home is that it takes buy-in from both parties to fix things.
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Being able to trust and have the reassurance that your family is in good financial shape is one of the most important things to a family, and as Mark points out, one of the main reasons he sees people getting a divorce. He further explains that a disparity in earning capacity can affect the division of the marital estate. Also, there can be issues between spenders and savers who live well below their means.
Problems tend to arise when there is a financial hiccup. If someone goes from making several hundred thousand dollars a year to no income for several months, the conflict might come to a new level, a boiling point, and the blame games start. Issues overspending, saving, and finances can come up in a divorce in a variety of ways. For example, one party might be facing allegations of wasting of community assets and other claims when the money is spent and the other never agreed or worse, never knew. If you are wondering why do people get divorced, it could be an irreconcilable financial problem.
Intimacy is more than just the sex act. Mark explains that men need to be involved sexually to reach a higher level of emotional intimacy. Meanwhile, it seems that women need a higher level of emotional intimacy before they are more passionately involved sexually. While this is not always the case, it makes sense that in many cases men and women need to communicate and better understand one another and their needs.
Psychology Today: Why the Passion Goes Out of Relationships
Cheating is often about more than just sex. When something else is missing people who are more likely to stray, may. For example, if the sex in a marriage dries up and there is a disconnect like one has a much higher sex drive than the other, resentment can develop and drive a wedge between a couple.
Similarly, to financial problems, it is good to see a counselor and find out how to re-engage. Treat your wife like when she was your girlfriend, go on dates, and buy her flowers from time to time, for example. Relationships take work and problems with romance and intimacy can be healed, but it takes work and it takes buy-in by both. Find time to make time for each other, as Mark describes.
As Mark says, people are different and there are so many different personality types. Some people are stronger willed than others, and some people are passive-aggressive in their approach to conflict. If you are living with constant conflict and an inability to resolve things, Mark suggests going to a counselor to learn how to fight fair and how to communicate and get beyond conflict and get to a resolution. Counseling can help people learn when to hold your tongue and when to talk. People who are strong reactors, who know their volatility level is high should know when to walk away and calm down. Take a few days to cool off before talking and when it comes to social media and emails, hold off and don’t press send.
When people have children, different parenting styles are common sources of conflict. For example, spanking a kid can lead to arguments over parenting and punishment. When parents are at odds with their approaches to parenting, conflict resolution can become a problem in a marriage. Either the couple can learn to compromise, or the inability to resolve conflicts can lead to divorce.
Everyone is different. Some people are workaholics and others who will go out of their way to avoid work. Some people want many children and others find one child to be enough of a challenge. What happens when you start a relationship and a marriage by telling your spouse one thing and then changing your mind and direction later in the marriage when things happen in life.
Divorce Magazine: Setting and Prioritizing Goals and Interests
Money and career are important to people. As people grow into their careers, they realize opportunities and travel starts becoming frequent. Then when the decision to have kids and start a family comes around, people have choices to make. For example, some women get married and have kids and do not want to work anymore. Some mothers find out that staying home was not what they thought they wanted, and they want to go back to work. In another example, one parent staying home can put a financial strain on the family and it might be necessary for both parents to work, despite expectations.
As the roles of men and women keep changing, there are more options for families, and it is important to have an understanding and get on the same page. When you cannot get on the same page and stay there, the open lines of communication may be blocked. Ineffective communication with your spouse about certain issues requires help and attention. Mark finishes the program by reinforcing his recommendation that people work on relationships and be open-minded before jumping right into a divorce.
The audio for this podcast is also available on the Scroggins Law Group channel on Blog Talk Radio.